is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she told me i tasted like america
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
