He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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