I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
