I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All the doctor said was why
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
