i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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