Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
