There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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