haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
