so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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