Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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