He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
