If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
