He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
