So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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