Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
