Cold hands, warm shart.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
