I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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