What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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