there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
