I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
