I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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