Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
