I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
