i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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