He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My vagina just recognized that song.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize