The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
