U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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