just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
50% drunk capacity currently
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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