he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
