i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
