so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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