im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
