You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
