she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
