I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
