I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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