the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
