I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I deserve this hangover.
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