The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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