I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
