Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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