Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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