I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
