I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
