So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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