I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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