I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
