We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
