apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
