the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
