**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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