I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
