I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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