So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
