first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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