I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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