i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
