You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
