He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
