Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
