A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
