I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize